Submitted by: Danielle Reba
My Tribute: Dad,
I can’t completely express my thoughts, my feelings, my hidden tears. “Why did you leave me so soon, didn’t you care about me? Did you not think that I cared about you?” I’ve have asked myself these things over and over again over the course of the past 2 years. I’ve googled everything from “does dying from an overdose hurt” to “what is Heaven really like” and still, I find no comfort or closure.
I’m doing okay dad, I really am. I’m engaged and getting married in 2 months. I’m a sophomore in college, I live on my own. I’ve had complete break downs, but I have rebuilt myself. I’m fine dad, I promise.
I never in a million years would have thought I would be the one to lose a parent at 18, I never in a million years thought I’d be the one to feel to hurt from the effects of an overdose. I didn’t know you were doing drugs dad, was it my fault? Did I push you to do them? Of course not, right? I want to know you are in a better place, that you can see me, that you can hear me. I don’t know if this is true dad, but I have to believe it is.
Our relationship has always been strained, dad. But now I know why. Your addictions had engrossed you, wrapped you within it’s arms, sucking the life out of you every chance it got. I understand now, dad. You loved your addiction more than you loved me, and you thought your addiction loved you more, than I did.
I’m working hard to be myself again, but I must say- it is hard. I still have flashbacks of the day I found out. I still have thoughts about the sight of you laying on the couch by yourself, dying. I wish I could have been there, dad. I wish I could tell you that I do love you, that I miss you more than anything, that I have developed a nagging sensation of something missing within me, since you left.
I remember our last hug, how tightly you had held me. We didn’t know that would be our last time, or I would have held on forever.
I love you dad.